Lesson learned: go for the cheek before the lips!

I have so many good stories from high school. Maybe because it was my age of awkwardness?

In 9th and 10th grade I had a huge school girl crush on an older football player. My friend was dating one of his friends at the time so we would be together often. During the first few months of school, anyone who was in the Italian club would host an exchange student for two weeks from Italy. Many of the people in our group of friends were in the Italian club. One night we decided to take all of them out to dinner to a nice restaurant. There were at least 15 of us. My two friends and I were the only sophomores in the sea of seniors and juniors. It was a big deal at this age to be hanging out with the older boys. We were all sitting down and my crush was going around the table to give people frivolous "ciao's" and kisses on the cheek to show off the goofy things he had learned from the Italian students. He came to me first. Oh was I excited. So excited that I went in for a REAL kiss instead of just a kiss on the cheek like everyone else. EVERYONE saw this happen and stared at me but did not say anything. I was mortified!!! Why would I ever think that a boy that did not even know I liked him would just kiss me in front of everyone? Man was I in dreamland. I had secretly hoped no one noticed until I got the hilarious after comment from someone. The senior my friend was dating decided to say "Way to kiss him in front of everyone at the table." I guess they did notice.

Merry Christmas

Hopefully this does not happen to anyone!

Like Mother, Like Daughter

This happened yesterday. It is that time again. The time where I have to run around buying last minute gifts for my family members. My mom dragged me to Macy's yesterday during their "ONE DAY SALE" before Christmas. We were there for four hours..in ONE store. After we made our first purchase, my mother gave me the big bag of goodies and jetted towards the mens section. I noticed she had something brown all over her coat, really just on her butt. I said, "MOM, what is all over your butt?!?" She had no idea it was there. It could have been there for days. This is something that would happen to me. I was laughing so hard at her. She insisted we go to the bathroom immediately so she could try to wash it off. It did not work. She took off her jacket and carried it for the rest of the time. Later she realized she had been eating chocolate in the car and must have dropped some and then later sat on it. If anyone knows me i am a chocohaulic and this would definitely happen to me ANY day of the week.

The funniest part of this story I missed but hearing about it was the best. I told my Dad over dinner about the chocolate on my moms coat. He then tells me that a few days ago he was driving my moms car and was walking around all day with chocolate on his butt too!!! I couldn't help but think that I am slowly becoming my parents.

"I'll kick the door down!"

It was close to the end of the semester and everyone was beginning to party a few more days out of the week than usual. My roommate had really early class the next day but I convinced her to come to a big party with me. We went, drank a hefty amount and she left early because she had to get up so early. I got back to the dorm around 3 or 4am and she was asleep. I tiptoed around the room while I got ready for bed. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and when I came back the door was locked and I did not have my key.

Great. It was 4am. I started knocking lightly so I would not wake anyone up. Nothing. Started knocking loudly. Nothing. I starting banging on the door as loud as possible. NOTHING. I was literally starting to wake the people up on my floor. Their heads were out their doorways staring hard at me drunkenly trying to wake up my roommate. It was embarrassing. My neighbor wakes up and asks me what is going on. I tell him and he starts to kick the door. Now EVERYONE is awake. Then the people across the hall come out. They are a bit intoxicated as well. He says he will kick the door down. I said ughhh okay. What was I thinking?? I would have to pay for that door if he kicked it down. He kicked it pretty hard but nothing happened thank goodness. I eventually decided to make the terrible trip to the RA to get my door opened.

He opened the door for me thank goodness. I walked in and my neighbor decided to join to see if my roommate was really sleeping through this madness. She instantly woke up! How could someones voice wake her up and not our LOUD banging?? Still baffles me. But I will probably be remembered by those people as the girl who woke the whole floor up at 4am locked out of her room.

Always Lock the Door

This is an oldie but a goodie. I am bringing it back to 9th grade. For all you Glee fans out there I used to go to Showchoir camp every summer and I LOVED it. I would even cry at the end of it every year because I loved it so much and did not want to leave.

It was in Tiffin, Ohio and I lived in upstate New York so it was quite a trek. I took a 16 hour train ride to Ohio with my friends and my choir instructor. At the time I had a weird problem with going to the bathroom on anything moving like planes or trains. So 16 hours was a long time to go without using the restroom. I was mostly scared of someone walking in on me. One year I could not make it to the end of the ride. I HAD to go. So I ran to the nearest bathroom on the train, closed the door, and started doing my business. About 3 seconds into usage an old man flings the door open and walks in. There I am…mid-pee….looking at him and screaming! He continues to stand there and yell at me that I should learn how to lock the door! Who keeps standing there? It is already awkward to begin with when you walk in on someone using the restroom….but how could he have the nerve to stand there and yell at me. He finally left and I finished my business and left rosy cheeked. Let me just say, I have NEVER used the bathroom on a train since.

Stairs Are Not My Friend.

I never had a problem with stairs until I went to college. My sophomore year a few of my guy friends threw huge parties every weekend. I went EVERY weekend. I got to know the people there pretty well. Because their house was constantly filled by drunken 19 year olds it was always in shambles. One night I was walking down to their basement during one of their parties. I was talking to my friend who was walking behind me so I was not really paying attention to what what ahead of me. All of a sudden, when I took my next step, there was a big whole! I fell STRAIGHT through the stairs. Someone had removed the plan of what used to be a stair! Literally the entire party stopped. It was similar to when there i music playing and the dj stops a record and it makes that rewind and pause sound. I had no idea how I had gotten from the stairs to the floor so fast. I was stunned. I felt like everyone was staring. Then one girl looks at me and says "here you go....you dropped your phone." At least everyone was nice about it.

Ants in My Pants.

Of course this would happen to me.

I was running cross country in high school. We had our biggest dual meet this day. It was against our rival who had always beaten us by one point. This day was different. It was our year to beat them. We did. It was an epic win. But of course something had to happen to bring down the day. It was the end of october in upstate NY so it was pretty cold. We had all left our bags by this rock wall. We went back to our stuff after the race to put our warm ups on. I put my pants on and started talking to my other teammates. Then I noticed my legs were really itchy. I started scratching them and I thought how could both my ENTIRE legs be so itchy. I pulled at the elastic on my pants and saw ANTS crawling on the inside of my pants!! WHAT THE HELL??? How does this happen? I started yelling and i ripped off my pants as past as possible and threw them. Everyone was staring. I had to explain to everyone that I had ants in my pants. "Ants in your pants" is a saying for a reason you know.....

Rescue Mission.

I am a big fan of naps. I try to take one every day. They aren't 15 minute naps either they are usually 1-2 hours. So during my sophomore year of college I was about to take one of my mid-day naps. I got in bed, set my alarm on my cell phone and placed it under my pillow. About 30 minutes into my nap my phone starts ringing. I lift my pillow to answer it and the phone flies off of my bed and in between the crack of the headboard and the bed frame. I reach my arm into the crack to get my phone because getting up and crawling under my bed was too much of a process. I grab my phone and I realize my elbow is completely stuck in the crack. I literally could not get it out. I finally answer the phone and say to my friend that I had to go because my arm was stuck. So I sit there for about 5 minutes trying to wiggle my arm out of this crack and I COULD NOT get it out.

I started panicking. This made it even more difficult to get my arm out. I immediately thought they were going to have to take the bed apart which would cause a HUGE scene in my dorm. I remembered that I had locked my door so the only people that could get in was my roommate and the RA. I decided for some reason to call my neighbor first because he could see if the RA was on our floor. He started laughing really hard at me and said he was on his way back to help me. I also called my roommate...because I was panicking. She never answers the phone which always seems to annoy me more than anyone else and now in this serious time of need she was not going to answer it again. I was FREAKING OUT! HOW COULD SHE NOT ANSWER IT?!?! Then I remembered that she was on her way to class with one of our good friends. He is usually reliable, so I called him. He answered thank goodness. I start telling him that I needed help but I could not even get out why. I was laughing so hard at myself but also kind of crying at the same time because I was panicking. When I finally told him he started laughing SO HARD. He was just saying "wait...HAHAHA...you....hahahahahha got your arm stuck....in ....your..bed?....AHAHAHAHA" So he finally agrees to come help me with my roommate. So now I had to wait. I had 2 teams of people coming to my rescue. So I sat and waited. I calmed myself down.

All of a sudden, I moved a little and my arm slid RIGHT OUT. How could this happen? I was pulling and twisting and my arm was so stuck how did it come out so easily? Luckily my friends and RA did not have to come see me in such an embarrassing state. Although they still got a good laugh out of my situation. My favorite part of the day was afterwards I went online to find my friends away message said "Rescue Mission." Definitely made me laugh and inspired the title to this post.

The first of many...

I am 22 years old and I am already filled with stories. Not just any stories either, mostly embarrassing ones. Not just the embarrassing stories where you spilled spaghetti sauce all over your white shirt, the types of stories that you read in magazines and laugh really hard at. Embarrassing things happen to me so often that I decided to start blogging about it(after encouragement from my friends of course). I have people constantly saying to me "How do these things happen to you ALL THE TIME?" So while you are bored at work and you want a good laugh come read my stories. I guarantee one of them will make you chuckle.

For the first story I will give you one of my favorites. It definitely makes the top 5 list of most embarrassing things that have ever happened to me. So this brings me back to high school. My high school was 3 grades, 10th, 11th and 12th. It was the beginning of my sophomore year and it was Spirit Week. If you were at all involved in extra-curricular activities in high school you know this was the most exciting week of the year. All the classes were competing against each other, you had a t-shirt for every day of the week and you had the pep rally and the homecoming game to attend and scream your head off at. This was a week of fun more than a week of learning. Spirits were high this week and school was booming with excitement. At this time I was running Cross Country and Track and I was on the schools dance team. So at the pep rally I was supposed to be front and center not only to be introduced with my team but to dance in front of the entire school of 2,000 students. It was pretty terrifying for a fresh and new sophomore student. Our gym was like any other gym where the seats were surrounding the basketball court. The Seniors had front row seats and the sophomores and juniors watched the show from the back. At the time I was dating a junior and I was eager to impress all of his upperclassmen friends. They all knew I was dancing so their eyes were on me along with both the junior and sophomore class. The pep rally came and we had practiced long hours that week to prepare for our performance. We went into the gym and took our places. Now remember the ENTIRE school was there, my face was towards the seniors and my back was towards the rest of the school. The music started. About 30 seconds into the dance I squatted down to do a certain move and I felt a rip. Oh yes, my pants had ripped. Not just a little rip either. A HUGE RIP, right down the center of my butt. I had normal undies on thank god but I was still basically mooning 2/3 of the entire school including my boyfriend and his friends. I pulled my shirt down and finished the dance. Lets just say I could hear the entire school laughing at me. I accepted it. I saw it as a hilarious moment in my life and moved on. But I was still haunted by it the next day. My chemistry teacher decided to acknowledge my presence by saying "did anyone go to the pep rally last night?! It was a PANT SPLITTING experience!!" I immediately shrunk down in my chair and decided to lay low for the rest of the day.